kpinion

Nature or Nurture?

2008-07-22T11:05:00.002-05:00

In my case . . . . BOTH!

My mom is throwing a wedding shower for her best friend's daughter and I am the go-to expert. This expertise is assumed by my mom because as she says, "You're young and always going to parties, so you know more than me." By the way, I've been waiting my whole life to hear my mom say "you know more than me", though I wasn't imagining it to be in relation to showers.

Last night on the phone, she mentioned an email she had sent me with some information on invitations. Then she commented "You'll probably blog about me after you read it." With a comment like that, how could I not?

So today after reading the email, this line stuck out to me "since I'm quite anal and long winded - you might want to print this email (sorry about that)!" Ha, if you know me than you know that sentence is pretty much a great description of me too.

So if there is ever any question . . . . I am my mother's daughter.

The power

2008-06-18T15:30:00.003-05:00

Ok, so being a Children's Ministry Director doesn't come with a whole lot of power and stature. But there is one week where I inherit ultimate power with endless possibilities. The type of power that allows me to require my co-workers to dress up in crazy costumes that include gold jeans, leather pants, and shiny lizard-skin shirts. Now pull your mind out of whatever gutter you've found yourself and realize that our VBS theme is about special agents in space. Hence the gold, leather, and lizard skin.

Obviously since it only happens once a year, I'm getting lots of pictures of this hilarious event. Maybe I'll use them as blackmail for a new playground or more cheerios. Hey, a girl's gotta use what she has available to her.

Gardens

2008-06-16T15:30:00.002-05:00

I find it interesting that Christ is referred to as the last Adam. For the first and only God-Man is tied closely to the first man made by God.

In fact, when God created Adam, he formed him out of dust and dirt, he wasn't born, he didn't grow up, he just became. And yet, Christ, who was human and yet also God, was formed in the womb. He grew by his cells dividing and multiplying, forming organs and body parts. Both created by God in body and form, both perfect in their creation, and each would face a choice that would define their lives and ours.

Adam dwelled in the presence of God, he walked and talked with Him (sidenote: this amazes me and blows my mind) in the Garden of Eden. He didn't suffer hunger, thirst, want, or any other trial or need we now find part of our life. Adam's body was perfect, complete, and eternal. His existence was idyllic until one fateful choice. The one time he faced the option to oppose God he jumped at it. There is no record of Adam struggling with his decision, debating the outcome or consequences. The Bible simply says he ate. In that one choice the path of man was eternally altered.

Christ, on the other hand, was born into temptation. He entered the world not in a divine body but one that began breaking down the moment he took his first breath. Christ suffered every trial, tribulation, need, etc. that man would encounter: hunger, thirst, temptation (those three taking place at the hand of Satan in a face to face showdown), loneliness, brokenness, deception, rejection, and more. In the midst of all these temptations Christ stood firm, he suffered through the trials but He didn't fall to the temptation.

Yet one night we get a glimpse of the man Christ and his toughest trial. Alone in a garden, on the eve of His death, we see Christ wrestle with temptation. He is in anguish, both physically and mentally, a battle waring within himself. Christ could have walked away. He could have made the choice to not follow through with the cross. If he couldn't than why the anguish? Why the pleading with God for a different way?

This is where we see the greatest difference between Adam and Christ. Adam chose self in his garden while Christ chose us in his. Both decisions reach into eternity and change the course of man. One brought death and the other life. One was made without a thought, instinct maybe, or just the ease of sin. The other was made after a battle of wills, sweat, tears, and pleading.

What do I learn about myself in these two men in their gardens with their choices? Are my choices for self and sin, made without a thought, an instinct that is deep within me? Do I battle with God to chose His will and way, pleading for something else, but submitting to His leading? I don't think the battle is that wrong when it signifies that I know His truth and I'm honest with my struggle to live it. The wrong is how quickly I can chose self without a thought to Him.

We each possess a part of both Adams. Our flesh is born of the first one always seeking self with no thought to the consequences. Our spirit is born of the second, loving God so much we battle the other to submit to His will

I hope when I find myself in my gardens, I'm willing to have the battle with God, to suffer the anguish and pain that comes when both my parts war over what I will chose.

It's lonely at the top

2008-06-04T16:19:00.002-05:00

My friend, co-worker, and fellow blogger Ben posted something recently about loneliness vs. being alone. Go read the post for yourself, because it's well thought out and interesting (Ben's one of those good thinker types), but I'll give you the cliff notes version. He's thinking trought the difference, if there is one, between loneliness and being alone and how we interact with those two states of being.

In a related situation, I was talking with a friend recently about what had been going on in our lives and as she began to describe what she was feeling and experiencing I could relate. As she grasped for a one-word description I ventured a guess with "lonely". That was it, but not specifically the loneliness that comes with being absent from people or even a feeling of aloneness, but more of a longing and emptiness that you recognized slowly at first and then with overwhelming depth. It was something more than related to people but internal, personal, and not easily solved by immersing oneself in the crowd.

I have more thoughts on this and an answer to Ben's questions posed over on his post, but I would love to hear your thoughts.

How do you define loneliness? Being alone?

Is there a difference between the two, if so what?

One Look

2008-05-09T13:34:00.011-05:00

The same eyes that he had looked into numerous times and yet at that moment they carried a different message.

Luke 22:31-34

31"Simon, Simon, behold,Satan demanded to have you,that he might sift you like wheat, 32but I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned again,strengthen your brothers." 33Peter said to him, "Lord, I am ready to go with you both to prison and to death." 34Jesus said, "I tell you, Peter, the rooster will not crow this day, until you deny three times that you know me."

Luke 22: 54-62

54Then they seized him and led him away, bringing him into the high priest’s house, and Peter was following at a distance. 55 And when they had kindled a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat down together, Peter sat down among them. 56Then a servant girl, seeing him as he sat in the light and looking closely at him, said, "This man also was with him." 57But he denied it, saying, "Woman, I do not know him." 58And a little later someone else saw him and said, "You also are one of them." But Peter said, "Man, I am not." 59And after an interval of about an hour still another insisted, saying, "Certainly this man also was with him, for he too is a Galilean." 60But Peter said, "Man, I do not know what you are talking about." And immediately, while he was still speaking, the rooster crowed. 61And the Lord turned and looked at Peter. And Peter remembered the saying of the Lord, how he had said to him, "Before the rooster crows today, you will deny me three times." 62And he went out and wept bitterly.

We want to believe that there was judgement in that look, an "I told you so" or "I'm so disappointed in you". And yet, I believe that within those eyes was a look of deep compassion and love. This was Christ's last teaching moment for Peter, the last lesson to impart before His death. All the judgement that Peter felt in his failure was of his own creation. Christ looked not to condemn but to love, to remind Peter of all His words. Oh Peter would stumble and fall, his failure would be public and piercing, but redemption was promised, and a greater redemption than Peter could even imagine.

I like to theorize what Peter felt and thought in that moment. Humiliation, fear, and maybe even a jab at his pride. For it was pride that Jesus had tried to point out to Peter, it was pride that had to be broken for love to fully exist. When Peter met eyes with Jesus, I wonder if he played in his head the conversation from earlier, if he heard every word as if Christ was speaking them in that one look. But I think Peter focused in on just a portion of that conversation, the one that pointed out his failure and faults. We do that too. It's hard to remember the promise of forgiveness and redemption when we're face to face with betraying the one we love, watching our pride in action, and doing it all after swearing we're better than that.

I also wonder if Peter could grasp Christ's words and promise without experiencing them come to fruition. Can we know the depth of our pride without seeing it exposed to the world? Can we hear the empty promises we make out of passionate excitement without seeing our failure to keep them? Can we know the depth of love and forgiveness without knowing our desperate need? And lastly, could Peter understand the ultimate fulfillment of Christ's promise for forgiveness and redemption without seeing his friend and Lord on the cross?

Why is grace so much harder to accept than judgement? Is it because as humans we naturally posses judgement in our hearts? This isn't to say that judgement is evil, but our version of it, riddled with animosity, hatred, and pride is a far cry from the righteous judgement of a holy and perfect God. No, I think that human judgement is easy and so we expect it, sometimes we even feel more comfortable with it because we know it and we can to an extent control it. But grace, the grace of a God who knows you will deny Him and yet promises you He will forgive and make you better and then proves that so vividly by marching to the cross and dying, that is foreign to us.

And so when we read this story, I think we often assume that Christ eyes betray His disappointment, His anger, His judgement. And yet, those aren't the eyes of a Savior, those aren't the eyes of a Redeemer. The one who would willfully lay down His life must have eyes filled with love deeper than we can convey with our own.

And in that one look, Peter probably missed the lesson. It took three long days for Him to understand that he had spent three years looking into the eyes of one who would not bring judgement but life.

One look.

How long will we miss the lesson?

***Thank you to my dear friend Margaret, who in her words of wisdom and encouragement gave me the idea to write this post.***

Question

2008-05-07T15:38:00.001-05:00

Which invention had a greater impact . . . . sliced bread or the internet?

Discuss.

Really, I want your opinion. I'll share mine eventually.

Oh so true . . . . .

2008-05-01T14:07:00.003-05:00

In case you didn't know I am a Children's Ministry Director at a church in Fort Worth. Wow, that's a lot of personal information to put up on the internet, but some of you think my real name is Kpinion so really I'm not worried about the crazies out there tracking me down. (please note I'm seriously considering naming any daughter I have kpinion, because I might as well prepare myself for the type of little girl I will produce!)

Well ,with this job comes lots of opportunities to laugh at myself and what I do, ex. that time a 2 year old puked all over me right before I went up on stage in front of a hundred or so people. That was fun . . . . and yet somehow pretty normal in my world.

So when I found this post on an amazing blog, http://stufffchristianslike.blogspot.com , it rang oh so true.

Leftovers

2008-04-28T13:52:00.003-05:00

Memories of the feast still linger in my head.

I sit at a table set with such splendor, beautiful china and silver laid out for each person. Dishes overflowing with food fulfilling every desire. My eyes drift to the Host, seated at the head of the table. And even from a distance He has the ability to make each guest feel like they are at an intimate dinner alone with Him. We share amazing food and deep conversation. A free flow of talking and listening, sharing fears, hopes, and dreams. Long after we begin, the food never diminishes and the conversation never lulls. Surely the Host wishes His guests would return to their own homes, their own lives. But no, His home is open to all for as long as we desire to stay. He never tires of hearing me speak, He never falters with an answer of wisdom or encouragement. At time we just sit, enjoying the presence of the other, words unnecessary.

And then in the midst of comfort and belonging, my mind turned to other things. Deadlines, to-do lists, my life outside of the banquet began to tug at my thoughts. Somehow, someway I found myself pulling out of conversation, avoiding eye contact with the Host. I withdrew from the midst of them.

As I sit here, far from the banqueting table and the presence of the Host my thoughts return to that time. I look at the plate of leftovers He sent with me. The food is the same and serves the function of nourishment, but it's a shadow of the feast it once was. And while it sustains me, it fails to fill me. The memories of those moments, sitting face to face with Him flood my mind. I yearn to be back there, feasting on new, fresh food that never lacks, sitting so intimately with Him, hearing His voice and knowing He hears mine. Yet, here I sit, eating leftovers from the place I want to be.

The invitation is always open. The Host glances at the empty chair waiting for my return, for the conversation to flow free again, for Him to share with me the bounty of His feast, His encouraging words of wisdom, and an ear who listens intently knowing my heart.

Even knowing my place is always open, I once again pull out the leftovers and mourn that I am not at the table. Desiring so much to return to where I once sat and for some reason struggling to find my way back. And so I pull out the leftovers again.

Stuff . . . . (sometimes known as baggage)

2008-04-18T11:39:00.002-05:00

Driving home the other night I glanced at the car next to me at a stoplight. The driver was barely visible threw a collection of "stuff". Boxes, bags, piles, and most interestingly pine cones filled his car.

Now we've all seen cars like this. I realize that for some people their vehicle is also the place they call home, others have an obsession with collecting everything they put their hands on, and then some people are just messy. Yet, as I looked with shock, awe, and I'll admit a bit of humor (pine cones? at least a few dozen of them?) I wondered what stuff I carry around with me at all times.

I wonder if these people know what it's like to have a clean car, one where a friend can join you for a road trip, one where you can enjoy the view through all the windows? And then I think of my life, of the stuff that overwhelms me and crowds out the free space for new opportunities, new adventures, new relationships.

If you haven't figured out, I'm not talking about stuff here but that great little word that's hip in therapy circles called "baggage". The stuff we hold on to for no other reason than to carry it with us through life, oftentimes much like some of those overfilled cars out there. Baggage has a tendency to weigh us down, separate us from other people, and block out the opportunity for a clear view of the horizon.

I don't have all the answers on how to get rid of baggage, and I'm not sure we ever will. Hey, my trunk carries it's own share of junk, but at least it doesn't block my shotgun seat or the view out my back window. Nope, it was just a question to ask myself as I pulled up alongside a car overwhelmed by stuff. How much of my "stuff" overwhelms me?

Please Read

2008-04-09T13:14:00.002-05:00

Hey everyone, both of my sisters work for CPS and Kristen passed on the following:

Not sure this is were to put this but I am asking for a prayer request for all of the women and children in Eldorado. Most everyone has seen on the new what is going on down there. I have personally been a part of it and believe the right thing is being done. But it is heart breaking to see these children and young mothers scared about the unknown and the "outside." I also sympathize with these individuals who have been taken from thier home, some have never left thier "ranch" and are being taken and questioned about thier religion. It is a hard situation for everyone involved, and I hope for peace and understand from all involved, including those being taken from thier home. They deserve and are being treated with the upmost respect. Even though most do not agree with what they believe in, everyone has the right to believe in what they want. The only problem is the illegal aspect of part of thier beliefs. So please if you get a chance, pray not only for the women and children, but all of the workers and individuals given the hard task of implementing what a judge has told us to do.Thanks

Contemplating

2008-04-03T14:15:00.004-05:00

I read this quote in a book recently:

"Never settle for an Ishmael when you can have an Isaac."

It was a little quote in the middle of dialogue in a fiction novel. Nothing profound really, just a piece of advice one character gave to another. And yet since reading it (again in fact, as I've read the book before) I've had a hard time getting it out of my head.

If you're confused by who Ismael and Isaac are, here's the cliff notes version: Abraham (from the Bible) is promised a son by God, even though he's pretty old as is his wife, Sarah. Well patience didn't seem to be their strong points so Sarah, gave her handmaiden, Hagar, to Abraham to produce a child . . . Ishmael. The problem was that God had promised a child for Abraham through Sarah, not Hagar. So here you have a son, the first born in fact, that isn't the child of promise. And then of course, God kept His promise, and Sarah had Isaac. Drama ensues as you have two sons, one of promise and one of people.

So this comment keeps popping up in my head and I ask myself how often to I settle for the Ishmael. How often do I create a solution to a problem and even though it's not God's solution or even his promised/intended outcome do I settle for it because it's an answer and it's an answer now.

I want the Isaacs, I want God's answers and solutions but often I settle for my answers because they are on my timeline.

So I'm still thinking on this one so you might see more about it soon. But let me leave you with this question: What Ishmaels are you settling for in your life? What Isaacs are you not willing to wait for and so create Ishmaels?

Crazy Town

2008-03-18T13:11:00.003-05:00

Went to New York. Five days of jam packed hours of sightseeing, exploring, eating, etc. Came back from New York.

Went back to work at building. Painted, steamed wallpaper, cleaned, hauled, etc. Still at the building.

Sunday is our first service in our new building. The building that allows me to not wake up at 6am on Sunday morning so I can be at the old building to set up our children's area. I'm excited, overwhelmed, and thinking through my list of stuff to still get done before Saturday.

Oh and you need much less shampoo with short hair but the trade off is that you have to spend 20 minutes blow drying it.

The end.

Hmmmm this seems backwards

2008-03-06T17:02:00.002-06:00

So as of this moment my car is covered in 3-4 inches of HUGE snowflakes. The sheer size of these things rival the blizzard/white-out conditions that kept me in Colorado for an extra day back in Janaury. And yet I'm off to New York where it will undoubtly be cold but only cold and wet. Then the forcast says when I return to Texas it will be a nice and sunny 73.

What the heck?

Oh well, I'm off to New York tomorrow if my plane doesn't get snowed in. Wow what an ironic statement to make seeing that I'm heading from Dallas to New York and you usually don't have to worry about snow on this end. Oh well, NYC here I come. Hopefully I'll return with pics and stories!

10 inches

2008-03-04T11:53:00.002-06:00

That's how much hair I just donated to Locks of Love. I was a bit hesitant to go short, but knowing that those 10 inches go to someone who doesn't have the luxury of debating on how much hair to cut made it an easy decision.

Glimpses

2008-02-26T10:28:00.002-06:00

I tuned in Sunday night for the Oscar ceremonies. Honestly, I saw only a few of the movies nominated (Atonement and Juno) and I don't really keep up on the craft of acting, directing, editing, sound mixing, etc. Yet, there is something that draws me each year to watch a fairly self-obsessed industry congratulate itself. Maybe, it's the pretty dresses or the comedy or the random moments of audacity that occur when you have a room full of performers semi-live (that 5 second delay prevents some of the truly honest moments).

This year might have been my favorite Oscar experience, if only for the glimpses of true humility and delight in some of the winners. Sure there are those people who feel they deserve recognition for their work, the academy owes them a pat on the back and they sit smugly in their seat waiting for their named to be called, their peers to rise in applause and their egos to be stroked once again on their amazing achievement. Then there are those people who sit in their seat with a look of disbelief that they were even invited, that their name is mentioned among others of such stature, that the honor of even having a seat on the floor (near the front) might push them over the edge. Then when you watch their face as their name is called you see that glimpse of shock, awe, fear, excitement, and glee that is so refreshing it makes you smile and want to stand in applause for them.

Two such cases stuck out to me on Sunday night, Marion Cotillard who won for Best Actress and Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova who won for Best Song. From the looks on their faces as their names were announced to the humble and joyful speeches (if you can call them that) they gave in thanks I was impressed and taken back by the humility of three people who took complete pride in what they did and were flabbergasted to have been honored for something they love to do.

Humility is something we search for but rarely find. In a world of self gratification, self absorption, self obsession, and just plain self the humble spirit is squashed by our clamoring to compete and be better than the guy next to us. Now humility isn't self-depreciation or even lack of self worth but it's a special quality that is quietly sufficient in the knowledge that you gave your best and you don't need accolades to confirm that for you. It's a contentment with self that is possessed within you instead of determined by the ebb and flow of opinions of others.

We seek for humility but how often do we celebrate it? We call it a fresh breeze but seem to only notice it in the stifling air of arrogance and pride. Why is humility the exception and not the norm?

Voices

2008-02-19T15:43:00.002-06:00

The last week has been a confluence of what some people might call coincidence but I like to consider providence.

*Sidenote: Why don't we use that word anymore, providence? It seems to have gone by the wayside with the pilgrims or those old souls of bygone times who weren't afraid to call it when God stepped in and made His presence or hand known.

So in the midst of all these things coming together I had a great conversation with a kindergartener on Sunday that went a bit like this:

Hudson: You know the first thing I want to do when I go to heaven?

Me: What?

Hudson: Talk to God cause I want to know what His voice sounds like.

Me: Me too, Hudson. I can't wait to hear His voice.

The truth is, I can't wait to hear God's voice, to see if it sounds anything like James Earl Jones (my guess for the closest comparison). I can't wait to hear Him call my name and to know the sound of it. But in the meantime, my thoughts wander to this: How can I hear the voice of God now? How can I listen to hear His voice?

So, thanks Hudson for showing me the faith of a child, that honest, real, and expectant faith that grasps hold of the thought of hearing the voice of God and shares that hope with a huge smile on your face.

The problem with "fixing"

2008-02-15T13:41:00.002-06:00

FIX IT!

If you ever want to test the patience of a person give them a task, deadline, or goal and then hand them the one thing they need to accomplish this "something" broken. Talk about a trying situation. I see this everyday in my life when the copy machine has a paper jam, my computer won't bring up my email, I get a busy signal while on the phone, or the mother of all frustrations - TRAFFIC. Now there are those people who will dig in their heels, scream, and hit something (in the case of the copy machine that is) and then there are the "problem solvers" that quickly assess and make alternate plans or creatively make it work.

Ok, take the same situation and apply it to your life . . . . to your future . . . . to your heart. There are those things in life that we encounter that seem to be broken: the single man waiting for "the one" to marry, the wife who longs to be a mother but is finding those hopes dashed, the out of work 20-something that can't figure out their passion, or the Christian who finds themselves in a dark place of monotany and mechanical faith. You often see the same reactions as above, those who bemoan their predicament and those who seek to "fix it."

Now my question is this, is "fixing it" the right thing to do? Oh I admire all those who pull up their belts and get to work on making things better but is that all their trying to do? Are they getting to the goal in any way possible? And is that a good thing?

Focusing on the first and the last examples let's take a look at the outcomes:

Single man/woman longing to be married. Quick fix: Get married. It doesn't matter who, when, where, just get to the goal. The box is checked off, you accomplished the task, but was this the outcome you wanted? Is this what you hoped and dreamed for?

Christian in that place beyond questioning their faith but still lacking the passion they might have once heldfast. Quick fix: pray, read, study, talk the talk until you end up walking the walk or better fake it till you make it. Really? Is that the path to passion? Can passion be found in the mechanical quick fixes we immediately go to (or are led to believe (i.e taught) are what we should do)?

I often find myself in situations where I know the answers, I know the steps to "fix it" but a part of me holds back because they feel so mechanical, so goal driven, so end result focused. And while there is nothing I would want more than to reach the goal and hold that trophy (whatever it is) high in the air, I can't help but stop myself from going through another step by step fix it list. I want more, I want something real, something hard and difficult, something that doesn't look neat and clean and have a sure fire result at the end. I want real and often real isn't found with a "fix it".

Update

2008-02-06T09:52:00.000-06:00

So I'm trying to get back in the swing of things by blogging semi-regularly. Oh yes I do remember that time in my life when I blogged uber-consistently (say 5 days a week), but those days are long gone. I guess my current job/profession/life-altering 24 hour commitment showed just how much free time I had back in the day.

So an update:

1. I'm busy. Not the oh a few too many social commitments this month type busy, but "oh my gosh my calendar has never had so many notes jotted on it busy". Just to give you a taste let me ruminate (what a good word) on my upcoming "events". Weekly I have the following:

Sunday - church (7am to 1:30pm) - gotta love the mobile church (and I do, really, don't ask me this on Sunday at 7am and you'll get a more honest answer)

Monday - my day off, but really who are we kidding it's a semi-work day and a semi-sleep in day, then at night I get the awesome opportunity to co-lead a small group of college students who shock me each week with thier vulnerability and honesty about their life with God (oh and they make fun of me for being old - but hey I'm still cool in their eyes so who cares)

Tuesday - WORK and then BSF after my weekly drive to Big D (that's Dallas for those of you not in the know)

Wednesday - WORK and then Community Group with some gals from my church

Thursday - WORK

Friday - WORK

Saturday - SLEEP, well that and anything else that pops up

Oh and then there's the upcoming BIG events in my life:

NEW BUILDING - yep, our church is in the process of buying our own building. This is super exciting and such a blessing but also means that my weekends (and who are we kidding, my weeks too) in the month of march will consist of being at the building every waking moment

NEW YORK - oh yeah, I'm heading out with my mom, my sisters, and my friend kristi to the Big Apple for 5 days of fun

And well that's about it. It's a lot and it means I'm busy but I'm hoping to jump back into blogging a bit more consistently.

So what's up with you?

I can’t

2008-01-23T13:35:00.000-06:00

I wrote this back in 2006 and stumbled across it again. Figured it was worth remembering.

I can’t see you.

You look to this world to find me; I am not of this world. You look for the seen, I am the unseen. Look not with your eyes, look with your heart. I am here, you can see me when you look beyond what you expect, when you look beyond what you know, when you look with eyes that search for what is unseen, what is unknown, what is there within your heart. Lift your eyes child, lift your eyes.

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

I can’t hear you.

My voice is always there, whispering to you and sometimes shouting. My words flow throughout your mind; my teachings ingrained in you. You don’t hear because you seek answers that aren’t mine. You don’t hear because you listen for something other than my voice. Open your heart to hear my words, listen for the soft melody of my voice. I am always speaking to you, take the time to be silent and listen. I speak to your soul, I whisper to your heart. My Holy Spirit speaks the words “I love you” to the rhythm of your heartbeat.

However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.
We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. I Corinthians 2:9-13

I can’t feel you.

My hands formed you, knit you together, and my touch has never moved from you. My arms are ever supporting you, leading you, comforting you, and sometimes holding on fast to you, lest you run away. You don’t realize that my touch is always there. You want earth shattering movement, a swift and firm squeeze, and those come at times, but my touch, my constant touch is gentle and you take it for granted. Feel with your heart; find comfort in my constant embrace, remember, remember my hands have never left you from your creation to when I will hold you in my presence.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139: 13-16

More than happy to not be "skinny"

2008-01-11T16:24:00.000-06:00

On my weekly (who am I kidding it's almost a daily obsession) stop at Starbucks I noticed they are promoting their new "skinny" drinks. Non-fat, no-whip, sugar-free syrup and lo and behold they have mocha as an option now. In a effort to not drink myself into obesity I usually choose non-fat no-whip mochas (much like diet dr pepper, after a while it tastes sweet) so I thought I would try the "skinny mocha".

TASTED LIKE BUTT!

After lconsidering the calorie and fat difference, I'll take my 50 extra calories and 1 gram of fat to enjoy something that tastes way better than licking the feet of a marathon runner.

Schwoop Schwoop

2007-12-28T09:19:00.001-06:00

In four days I leave for the white slopes of Crested Butte, CO. I'm somewhere between excited and nervous. See I've been skiing five times so you would think that I'm a fairly decent skier. And I am but it took some work to get there . . . oh about three years biding my time in ski school. I am what you call "accident prone", "clumsy", "uncoordinated", and any other adjectives to describe someone who has taken a ride DOWN the ski lift, hitched a ride with ski patrol after being stranded on the side or a run, and slid down an entire run on her bum.

Luckily the fifth time was the charm (oh I can't do it in just three, nope, that would be too predictable) and I had the best year of skiing, until the blizzard that is. See I had the perfect day of skiing our second day on the mountain: no fear, great speed and agility, I ROCKED the mountain. Then the blizzard struck before our third day of skiing and I messed up my knee going down a run with snow up to my thighs.

So I'm hoping after a 4 year break that I'll be able to pick it back up.

Tradition

2007-12-21T14:56:00.000-06:00

This time of year seems to be filled with tradition. From how you celebrate Christmas, to how you decorate your home, the exact way in which you open presents, and how you spend time with loved ones, each day invokes things you have done many time before.

Well it looks like I will have my own little tradition in my speck of the internet and it becomes official this year. Two years ago I wrote the following post to mark the Christmas season. Since I said it best the first time around, let this now become Katie's official Christmas post.

Enjoy!

http://www.kpinion.net/2005/12/what-child-is-this.html

Under Pressure

2007-12-19T16:48:00.000-06:00

The following is a comment I left over at Don't Call Me Veronica on a post he wrote. It made me think.

5/31: God has saved me not for anything I've done or will do but because of his grace and purpose. - Tony at Don't Call Me Veronica

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. - Ephesians 2:8-10

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1

So after reading your journal entry for 5/31 my initial thought probably wasn't on line with what I assume you intended (that our salvation isn't based on our works) . . . instead I thought (and had to stop a moment to let my head really wrap around this thought) that God didn't save me for all the amazing things I might do for Him, or how I would fill this role in His body, or even for the ministry that I currently fill, but because of His grace (insert love for me as just me,not for what I bring to the table, even the big purposeful table of ministry or His church) and for His purposes (those that I can't see or know or even have a realization that I am accomplishing - purposefully invisible). Now this strikes me because instead of thinking we owe a debt to God and can work it off to get into heaven, I think a lot of believers come to God because of grace but then feel this burden of debt is owed to make up for what Christ did. And that isn't freedom, that isn't living in grace, that's putting back on the yoke of slavery and writing out own list of debts to be paid.

So all that to say, if I truly believe that God saved me not for what I can do for Him (even with Him in me) but because of His grace and His purpose than I'm freed up to be used by Him without a burden or pressure to pay back what I was freely given.

Sorry if that was a ramble or if it doesn't make sense, either way it was a good thing for me to understand today.

I want my two dollars*

2007-12-12T15:30:00.000-06:00

At the moment I have the jaw line of a man, square and firm. I'm also out three teeth, wisdom teeth. Why three, you ask? Well because I had one pulled less than a year ago after passing out at Walmart. But that's a different story.

So I'm three teeth down, one and a half days of recovery done, no more pain pills needed, and a sqare jaw. Not bad.

But back to the post title. Do you think the Tooth Fairy makes deliveries to adults? And just how much is a wisdom tooth worth in the current exchange rate?

Re-learning old lessons

2007-12-04T10:04:00.000-06:00

Friday, April 07, 2006

Collision

She hides.

She hides from the world, she hides from those closest to her, and she even hides from God.

She hides in plain sight. Diverting attention from the things she wants unseen. Masks, disguises, anything to conceal what she doesn’t want seen, doesn’t want known.

She hides behind an image of strength. Strength will hide her fear, her vulnerability, and her weaknesses. Strength is the answer.

And so strength begins to form, strength that has no power behind it. It is a façade, a charade, and yet she begins to believe it is true. The strength hardens her and she begins to think she knows best. The vulnerability and fear fade under the shadows that aren’t even real. Slowly she begins to believe this is her true self: the strong, the untouchable, the proud, and the self sufficient.

Strength is her answer, strength will hide the truth. All this just to hide. Believing in lies because admitting the truth, having it seen and known is unbearable.

But shadows fade, and charades falter.

So the One who made her comes. She stands so proud before Him, sure of who she is, strong in herself. And a great collision occurs, the strength of her against the strength of Him. One is shadow, the other is light.

And in that collision all those things she clung to, all those things she hid behind are torn away, pulled from her grasp. She fights with the strength that she has gained; she fights to remain in shadow, hidden from sight. She fights and she loses and she is left bare, weak, and vulnerable.

The very thing she feared is now the thing she must face.

Her strength became her weakness.

Broken and bare, weak and unworthy, she clings to the only One she can. She clings to the One that sees her for all she is, for everything she has tried to hide. Her tears begin to fall and shame fills her heart, for all that she wanted to keep from Him, He now sees.

And in His embrace she finds strength, not to hide her weakness but to fill it. How wrong she was in her thinking, seeing weakness as something to be ashamed of, as something to hide.

It was weakness that He wanted. It was her weakness that would lead to Him.

She finds that real strength is only really found in weakness and that is the product of surrender. So for her to be truly strong she had to be weak and to be fully weak she must surrender it all.

And so in the surrendering, she finds more than weakness but weakness filled with strength, His strength.

And so she stands once again strong,
not by her own strength,
not covered in shadows.

She stands filled with His strength.
She stands in the light of Him.
She stands because He holds her.

Your grace is sufficient for me
Your strength is made perfect
When I am weak
And all that I cling to
I lay at Your feet
Your grace is sufficient for me
Shane & Shane

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12: 9-10